“Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.”
                                                    –George Sand
I have become astounded with the “unkind” culture that seems to be so pervasive in our society these days. Call me old fashioned, but I was raised to always be polite, respect others, and to have good manners. I have tried to stick with those basic, common courtesies in everyday and professional life. Unfortunately, I often find myself in situations where too many people don’t feel the same.
I wasn’t sure how I wanted to share and address this disparate lack of civility, until I was chatting with a good friend one day, who simply glowed when I asked her how her relationship was going—her answer was “we are just fine, we are just being sweet to each other.” Huh, I thought, well there it is, how easy is that, how fun is that, how profitable is that, how healing is that. Imagine, for a minute, a world where everyone is just a little kinder and sweeter—on purpose. After all, the unadulterated fabric of our soul DNA is care, solidarity, and mutual service.
So, whatever happened to being nice to one another just because? I remember a time when people said, thank you, excuse me or you’re welcome. Common courtesy seems to have all but died. What is it with the people who scream into their cell phones while you’re trying to enjoy a meal at a nice restaurant, or cut you off in traffic without even a signal (okay, they signal with their middle finger), or the person who runs to get ahead of you in line at the grocery even though you only have one item, and they have a whole basket full. And well, the professional environment is not much better, either. Look at the racist and hateful behavior of candidate Donald Trump—who bullied and lied his way to winning the election as President of the United States. REALLY?
Kindness has many facets, but it’s essence is as simply as it gets—it takes less energy to be kind and sweet, than the counter-productive energy it takes to be worried, suspicious, resentful, manipulative or unnecessarily defensive. All behaviors rooted in fear. We tend to be afraid that if our vulnerabilities are exposed, we might be exploited.
So, let’s keep it real—the task is not always easy. The culture we live in often sabotages us on every turn. Human relations are becoming colder. Communications between us are becoming more hurried and impersonal. Values such as profit and efficiency are taking on greater importance at the expense of human warmth and genuine affection. Relationships are suffering and less lasting due to the “looking out for #1” agendas. Are we going through the “Ice Age of the Heart?”
Yet, the fruits of kindness and it’s qualities are so obvious. Why are grateful people more peaceful…Why are those who feel a sense of belonging less depressed…Why is it those who smile more, appear more attractive…Why do children who receive more love and attention feel more secure? Because, the key attributes and affects of being “kind” touch the tenderest and most intimate aspects of our nature. It has the surprising power to transform us, maybe more than any other attitude.
To receive kindness does us good. Think back of a time when someone has shown you kindness, in a small or large way: someone gave you a compliment you didn’t expect, how did that make you feel? Probably made your day. We all like to be praised, appreciated, treated with warmth, understood, and nurtured.
The more we practice, the better we get at it. This seems to be especially true in our most difficult moments. All of sudden, something shifts and we’ve chosen kindness instead of our habitual reaction. I suddenly realized it really doesn’t matter what the act of kindness is….simply waking up each day thinking how I could make a difference in the life of someone I know or even a complete stranger, is all that matters.
 Kindness is not a luxury. It is up to us—It is a choice in the life of each of us to take the road of meanness and selfishness, or the way of solidarity, love and kindness. By becoming kinder, we will discover that we have given ourselves the most intelligently selfless gift to all.
